Week Five- It's over

Welcome Back.

I hope that you enjoyed getting a glimpse into my life with my teammates and roommates and were able to learn something.

I really enjoyed this opportunity to apply a more keen observation to my interactions with others. I learned so much about my impact on those around me, and that essentially I want that impact to be good.

The textbook talks about friendship, and there are a few things that I have found true from my own observations.

• Proximity. First, imagine how near my roommates and I are physically... Okay, thought about that? If you can't quite grasp that, let you fill you in. Three of us are in a class together. All four of us have 8am classes (we walk to class together), we are in the same ward, we all play soccer (which in the fall meant that we were with each other more than away from each other), and we live in the same house. We are so physically close. The textbook says, "Proximity allows people the opportunity to get to know one other and discover their similarities—all of which can result in a friendship or intimate relationship." 
• Just by virtue of the fact that we live close to one another, I have had the amazing opportunity to get to know these three wonderful women, and to build relationships with them. 
• Familiarity. When you are physically close to someone, you become familiar with them, and people want to be around people they are familiar with. There is this idea that the more often we are around a certain stimulus, the more likely we are the view that stimulus in a positive light. 
• I have witnessed this. I like being around my friends because I know how they will react. I know what jokes they will laugh at. I know that on Thursday's, Tatiana and I will enjoy our night of TGIT. (If you don't know what that is, look it up). I know things that will make them happy, and I know things that will make them upset. And I like when things are predictable. 
• Reciprocity. "Another key component in attraction is reciprocity; this principle is based on the notion that we are more likely to like someone if they feel the same way toward us. In other words, it is hard to be friends with someone who is not friendly in return. Another to think of it is relationships are built on give and take; if one side is not reciprocating, then the relationship is doomed. Basically, we feel obliged to give what we get and to maintain equity in relationships."
• In the relationship among my roommates, I have noticed what damage it can do when a relationship among them goes one-sided for a time. I think that it is difficult in a home with the same three people for many hours a day to maintain a constant give and take relationship. 
• Friendship. "Research has found that close friendships can protect our mental and physical health when times get tough."
• Amen, Amen, Amen. 

Overall, I have learned so much from these girls. I have gained a lot of insight about how my interactions impact others. I have learned a lot of important things about relationships, and gained insights about the world of social psychology. 

http://nobaproject.com/textbooks/together-the-science-of-social-psychology/modules/love-friendship-and-social-support

Week Four- Kill em with Kindness

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"Empathy does lead to increased helping, it does so not because of pure altruism but because thinking of another person's pain makes us sad, and one way to make ourselves feel better is to be helpful. Another possibility is that taking another person's perspective actually causes us to feel some overlap between ourselves and that other person, and so we help them the way we would help ourselves."

This week I decided to take a break from driving my roommates crazy and tried to serve. I cleaned. I did the dishes as often as I could, I vacuumed the house, I swept the floor, I baked goodies (Yes, I tried to fatten them up;)

I tried to be as giving as possible. I wanted to see how the mood changed in the home, and how I felt differently. I know what it's like to be a college student, stressed, working, and having too much on your plate. I know that when things around the house are taken care of, it makes things a lot less stressful. According to APA, I believe that I wanted to do this because I was able to see the other person's perspective and help them the way that I would want to be helped.

I noticed the mood uplifted and vibes around the house were much more positive and uplifting. I also noticed an increase in love towards those that I live with. (Which I desperately needed... for reasons I will not disclose).

Some things that I learned about this experience:

• "When ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God." This is true!
• Service makes my own problems seem less important
• Being kind improves relationships with those whom the kindness is extended towards
• I believe that you can have pure motives in giving service

http://www.apa.org/monitor/dec06/helping.aspx

Week Three- Butter

Welcome Back.

Once again I have decided to torment my roommate in order to gauge a reaction. (Is this even human?).

THIS time, I decided to manipulate the butter. Yes, you read that right. Butter.

This roommate of mine randomly started leaving her butter out in bowl near the toaster. And often, I would take the butter and stick it in the freezer. It would take her a moment to find her butter when she needed it (and I may or may not have laughed internally watching her try to find it), but she would find it, say, "what the heck?" and attempt to butter her toast.

What was particularly interesting about this scenario is my roommate did confront me about it verses the last time (see previous post) when she didn't say anything. She finally asked us who kept putting her butter in the freezer, and I laughingly admitted to it.

This begs the question of why she chose to confront this issue, but not the other. Also, why is it important to confront an issue at all?

Psychology Today has an answer, "The most important reason is the deep psychological one: You matter, your opinions matter, and having a voice is worth a little discomfort for you and those around you."

So maybe she decided that the butter issue was important enough, and that she mattered enough to get to the bottom of freezer mystery.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-therapy/201406/how-confront

Week Two- Timer

Welcome back.

Okay, so this week was kind of crazy. So I have a roommate (I'm not going to say who), and she likes to leave at the last possible second. She doesn't like being late, but she doesn't waste any time between leaving the house and getting to class. This late-leaving tendency clashes with myself just a bit because I like to leave, and arrive early. I hate that feeling of being rushed and "Well crap, are we going to make it on time?".

This being said, I wanted to be able to leave and walk to class with this roommate, since we both have 8ams each day of the week. In my head, I created the perfect solution. I set the kitchen clock 5 minutes fast (which I knew she hated...).

In my mind, this game started.

I would change the clock. 

A few days would pass.

She would change it back. 

A few days would pass.

I would set it five minutes fast. 

A few days would pass.

She would change it back.

This happened several times, and lasted for several weeks. The overall purpose of this "mini-experiment" was to see if this small re-occurring change would cause a confrontation between myself and this roommate. I am pleased to say that it didn't come to a confrontation, although I am not sure why.

Through my research I have found that people often avoid confrontation to avoid certain types of pain.

• "Fear of loss. Some fear that confrontation will result in the other person leaving or determining that you are too high-maintenance to deal with."
• "Fear of causing pain. Some believe the other person is too fragile to handle being confronted, so they avoid the conflict in an effort to protect the other."
• "Fear of strain. Confrontation can be physically stressful- your muscles tense, your pulse rises, the adrenaline starts to flow-so some actually avoid the physical sensations that accompany it."
• "Fear of failure. You might raise your point only to see it shot down. Maybe you are off base, and a confrontation will bring that into light."

If I had to guess, the reason she refused to confront me about it was the either the first of the last reason, although it could be likely that she just didn't care enough to say anything. I guess we will never know. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-therapy/201406/how-confront